50 Years of Learning

Now that I am turning 50 years old this month, I wanted to compile a list of 50 lessons, ideas, or truths that I have come across that have struck a note with me.  Please note however, that this is not a complete list.  I would like to think that I know more than 50 things, but felt these were an encapsulation of my journey.

1. The most important thing in life is to be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.

2. The root of all sin is the suspicion that God is not good. - Oswald Chambers

3. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it... we are in charge of our attitude. - Chuck Swindoll

4. Whatever you do, always give 100%, unless you're giving blood.

5. God does not always call the qualified, but He qualifies the called who are willing to be led by His righteous right hand. - Tommy Barnett

6. He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? - Micah 6:8

7. Faith is only as good as its object. - Warren Wiersbe

8. Don't confuse your work for God with your walk with God. - Don Lichi

9. Build character, and integrity will follow. - Trent Thomas

10. I am the wretch the song was written about.

11. Wrong is wrong even when everyone is doing it. Right is right even when no one is doing it.

12. One can make any choice he wants . One cannot, however, choose the consequences of that choice.

13. Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4

14. A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what a ships for. - William Shedd

15. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

16. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire Department uses water.

17. Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - C.S. Lewis

18. If at first you don't succeed, maybe skydiving isn't for you.

19. Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

20. The key for men in marriage is to be comfortable with your wrongness. - Dr. Titus Sheers

21.There is no charge for awesomeness or attractiveness. - Po

22. Life is hard. You are not that important. Your life is not about you. You are not in control. You are going to die. - Richard Rohr

23. Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;- James 1:19

24.Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. - Martin Luther King Jr.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

27. I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun - not because I can see it, but by it I can see everything else. - C.S. Lewis

28. Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.

29. An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. - Prov. 31:10

30. Life in the end will be measured by significance, not by a golf score ( or job title, or bank account, or social standing). Significance will be defined by your character, relationships, values, virtues, and faith... - Seven Days In Utopia

31. Success is a destination, while significance is an eternal calling. - SDIU

32. Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.

33. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

34. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. - Phil. 4:8

35. Golf is an easy game. It's just hard to play.

36. No man is a failure who has friends. - It's a Wonderful Life

37. When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.

38. Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn. - Ben Franklin

39. Character is what you are when no one else is around.

40. A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything. - Irish Proverb

41. Happy wife, happy life.

42. "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. " - Thomas Merton

43. Never lie, never cheat, and never steal. Don't whine, don't complain, and don't alibi. - Coach John Wooden's father

44. Wag more, bark less. - my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Espeland

45. If you don't raise your son to manhood...the world will. - Dennis Rainey

46. If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot. - Italian Proverb

47. When you can't change the direction of the wind - change your sails. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

48. It's not the years in your life that count; it's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln

49. Never let success go to your head; never let failure go to your heart.

50. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.

Important Note:  This is not a complete list.

Songs not included in Becca's 25 Songs of Christmas (but should be).

My daughter Rebecca is doing a 25 Days of Christmas Songs and Carols. She is doing a great job and I have really enjoyed her posts this month.

But there have been a few songs that I have recommended, that she refuses to include (or at least the version I have recommended). So, she suggested I do my own list.

So here it goes:



The Claymation Christmas Special used to be on every Christmas, much like Charlie Brown Christmas. I am not sure why they do not air it anymore, but I always enjoyed it because of the humor and especially the music.

Generation of Sarcasm Is the church fixing or fueling the toxic cynicism of our culture?

I saw this article this morning and found it very interesting. I have joked my times that sarcasm was my spiritual gift. Lately, I've re-evaluated that premise.

Generation of Sarcasm

Is the church fixing or fueling the toxic cynicism of our culture?

by Skye Jethani

A poll conducted by Time has revealed that The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart is the most trusted news anchor in America. He beat Brian Williams, Charlie Gibson, and Katie Couric. Walter Cronkite, having just entered his grave, must already be turning over in it. Stewart won with 44 percent of the vote. Brian Williams came in a distant second with 29 percent. See the results here.

Like many others of my generation, I enjoy The Daily Show. I find Jon Stewart to be intelligent and his irreverence is often refreshing, if occasionally too snarky or foul for my palate. Still, I wonder what it says about my generation when we vote someone like Stewart to be the most trusted voice in American news—especially when The Daily Show makes no claim of being a reputable journalistic enterprise.

When Stewart appeared on CNN’s Crossfire in 2004, an argument ensued with Tucker Carlson about The Daily Show’s lack of journalistic rigor. Stewart responded, “I didn’t realize that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their queues on integrity…. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?”

Indeed—what is wrong with us?

The popularity of The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and The Onion reveals a core value of my generation. We thrive on sarcasm. It is our native tongue. Listen to a group of under 40s engaging in casual conversation. It’s nearly impossible for 30 seconds to elapse without a quip, a dig, or a dose of eye-rolling hyperbole. We especially like to cut down authorities—as Jon Stewart has perfected with his witty jabs at the mainstream news media and government leaders.

Sarcasm and irreverence are so popular that government officials clamor to get on The Daily Show to be mocked. They think they’ll be perceived as “good sports” for playing along, and somehow win the elusive support of sarcasm-soaked 18-35 year olds. (Silly politicians, has Rudy Giuliani’s SNL appearance in drag taught you nothing?) But they’re not alone. I have no quantifiable evidence, but my perception has been that more sarcasm is creeping into the church. I experience it more often at ministry conferences, in conversations with other church leaders, and without question on blogs. (Uh hum, are you listening, Url?)

My concern is not political integrity, the erosion of journalism in favor of amusement, or even ministry. My question is spiritual. Where does this deep reservoir of sarcasm come from? Why does it mark my generation the way a strong work ethic once marked the Greatest Generation or the way free-thinking branded the Boomers?

Phil Vischer, the creator of VeggieTales, gave a speech at Yale back in 2005 in which he unpacked the media values of our generation—the slow descent from our parents’ “dry, cocktail party wit of Johnny Carson,” to the “sarcasm and twisted humor” of David Letterman, and the emergence of the bottom-feeder humor that is “Beavis & Butthead” and “South Park.” In these shows, Vischer says, “we had found our voice. We were safe from the world, as long as everything was treated as a joke.” He continues:

Some folks believe Vietnam was the source of America’s modern cynicism. Others point to Watergate. But for me and for many others in my generation, the real root, I think, is much closer to home and much more personal. When we were very young, our parents broke their promises. Their promises to each other, and their promises to us. And millions of American kids in a very short period of time learned that the world isn’t a safe place; that there isn’t anyone who won’t let you down; that their hearts were much too fragile to leave exposed. And sarcasm, as CS Lewis put it, “builds up around a man the finest armor-plating… that I know.”

I agree with Vischer. I think the sarcasm of my generation is rooted in anger and fear. It is a socially acceptable defense mechanism; a way to vent the mountain of anger and fear we feel in a dangerous world where even the structures God has ordained for our safety (family, church, government) have failed to keep their promises.

We are the first generation born after the passage of no-fault-divorce. We are the product of broken homes.

We are the first generation born after Vietnam and Watergate. We are the product of a broken government.

We are the first generation born in the age of Consumer Christianity. We are the product of broken churches.

With no where to turn for safety, our fears ferment under the surface into anger. But this toxic brew cannot stay there. It must find a release. Some of us find very destructive ways to alleviate that pressure. The rest of us let it out by mocking things previous generations took seriously—government, work, family, relationships, leaders, and the future. We are a generation that believes nothing is sacred. And if nothing is sacred, everything becomes profane.

I’ve been much more aware of my own sarcasm lately. I’ve tried to keep it under control—especially in my preaching. (Have you noticed the way sarcasm laces even the sermons of our generation?) And I’m trying to be more reflective about where it’s coming from. Is it merely casual banter, or is there an angry truth, a hidden fear, behind that one-liner?

I don’t want to be a killjoy. I don’t believe all sarcasm is bad, and we even see biblical prophets and apostles using the rhetorical device from time to time. But given the latent anger and fear in our culture, is more sarcasm really helpful in the church? Or should we be doing more to unearth the fears and angers of our generation so that sarcasm might be pulled from our souls roots and all?

A few months ago I had the opportunity to interview Matt Chandler for a piece in the current issue of Leadership. He said something about spiritual growth that I won’t soon forget:

“We want our people to think beyond simply what’s right and wrong. We want them to fill their lives with the things that stir affections for Jesus Christ and, as best as they can, to walk away from things that rob those affections—even when they’re not immoral.”

A heavy diet of sarcasm, whether on television, the web, or even in church, may be what this generation is clamoring for, and it's not immoral, but it may also be robbing our affections for Christ. Rather then emulating the popularity of Jon Stewart, as leaders of the church let’s take up our spiritual calling to guide souls toward love rather than just levity.

As preachers of the Word, let’s put aside our impulse to be entertainers and heed our calling to nurture minds that dwell on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is commendable.”

As shepherds of God’s flock, let’s lead the effort to drain the stagnant reservoir of fear and anger that is polluting our generation by starting with the swamp in our own souls. And let’s pray for Living Waters to flow in the church once again.

Skye Jethani is the managing editor of Leadership, and author of The Divine Commodity.

Just a Couple Minutes

It was for just a couple minutes. As I reflect on the visit, it seems a little crazy to drive a total of 5 hours out of the way. It was the first time that I had been back since the funeral. I had seen pictures of the marker, but felt compelled to see it for myself. I didn't need to spend much time there. Just wanted to honor him again. Grass has grown over most of the grave site. But standing there with Valarie and my two boys was surreal. I remembered how cold it was when we said good-bye to his body. I remember two days before trying to find suit jackets for the boys, going to Sears, JCPennys, among other brand name stores but ending up at the Goodwill Store, and paying $5 for two jackets. Mom had wanted all the grandsons to be pallbearers.

But waking up to 17 below temps that morning brought a change of plans. The call was for dressing as warm as possible.

This day in July was much different. It was a warm day, the grass was healthy green. Area farmers were busy in the fields.

So now I can say I've seen it. It's right there with Grandpa and Grandma Boscaljon and Uncle Don (Dads brother) and Aunt Lena. Kind of eerie seeing Mom's name on the stone, but glad that I have seen it now, instead of waiting until it we are standing over her grave site.

A Rift In My Space/Time Continuum

It is turning out to be a pretty traumatic week for this blogger. All of a sudden my youngest son is 16. He has his drivers temps, he shaves, his voice is deep (others can't tell the difference between Matt, Sam and I when we answer the phone at home), and his is as tall or taller than Matt now. This is our baby, of course, he hates for me to say that. Sam is so much fun to have around. He always keeps things interesting and entertaining. I am excited to see what is in store for him this next year. He will be off to new adventures with his schooling and his being able to start in the big world of employment.

Another event that seems to have shaken, not stirred, me is the fact that Matt is graduating. It has been a long, hard road to go for him and schooling but the end is in sight. Once again, I find it somewhat difficult to comprehend that I have two high school graduates as children. That is only for old people, which apparently I is one now. Matt had a little bit of a shock this past week when he got a letter from Moody Bible Institute that he was excepted to the Chicago campus for next fall. It was pretty interesting to see him go from "forget that" to "wow, this could be a real cool experience". But, after a phone call to MBI, we discovered that he (along with others) had received the acceptance letter by mistake. Matt even showed some disappointment in the news, which was encouraging for us.

So, there it is. I am searching for who I am and how to become the father that I need to be for these boys at there next stage of life (along with Becca for that matter). I keep telling them that I was amazed at how smart my dad got when I graduated from college. I hope that I can get smart like that for them when they need me to..

I Am Not Superman

I am sure that there is nothing more humbling than the realization that I am not Superman. Now, I am sure that the thought of me being Superman has never crossed the minds of most of those who know me.

I have come to this conclusion after several weeks of not being able to fix problems, mend broken hearts, stop natural occurrences, or convince mankind that this world isn't all there is. Granted, I didn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or be as fast as a speeding bullet, well, you get the picture.

I have certain expectations that I can not seem to meet. I am finding that this is a growing time for me. My idea of being a father/husband is being stretched, and it's not a bad thing. The days of "because I said so", or "I think it should be this way" are just not there any more. I am being forced to just listen and be quiet. I don't have to have the solution, or the correct answer, or the resolution to a problem immediately, for it seems that those things made impulsively and without processing, add more to the problem or situation.

Does life ever stop teaching us lessons?

The Day Passed ....

I wanted to write in my journal. It is the journal where I documented my thoughts and the events of Dad’s homegoing. All day long I kept reminding myself that I needed to do it. Last year on this date, I made an entry, and wanted to continue to add as the years go on.

But all of a sudden, life got busy. A broken heart needed assurance that it would heal, a second opinion was needed on a medical condition, an ear needed bending after a long day and a plan of action was to be determined to recover a lost but valuable item.

Suddenly, the day had passed.

And as I thought about it this morning, it occurred to me that suddenly, another year has passed. Another year without that deep laugh we all enjoyed when we were together for Dad had such a great sense of humor. Another year without that Godly wisdom, that was not only spoken but lived out. Another year of without our companion, husband, friend, father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.

Weddings have occurred, births of great grandsons to carry on the Boscaljon name, families relocating, and life have passed. The year was good for some, hard for most. Financial worries, occupational decisions, and a new “change” to come to our nation, have all caused us to pause and reflect, and sometimes, withdraw.

I wonder if time is realized in heaven. Does Dad know he is still loved and missed? Does he know that when I slice my hand replacing the waterpump on my car I think of him? Is he proud when the car actually runs after my repair is complete, with no leftover parts? Does he understand my emotions when, at the very same desk I watched him for so many years, I sit down to do my devotions? I wonder how it will feel, when I get to hug him again the way Matt hugs me, completely exhausting all oxygen in my body, but realigning those wayward vertebra in the process. Does he know the number of times I would have sought his counsel on financial decisions?

The days pass, and those days turn to years passing, and yet Dad is still remembered and loved and missed, and I still wouldn’t want him to trade where he is at now for any place else. I take great comfort in knowing that I will see that big smile and hear that laugh again.

So this evening I will write in my journal some random thoughts about the year, and reflect again on the man who was my father and evaluate the role that I play as a father to my kids.

In memory of Gordon Boscaljon, my dad.